dance

and a new collab with chrx. it reminded me of a fruit salad at first.

Peggy Holder

so bitchy
i could have sworn him in
taken his sword collection
and given her attention
but i had to grieve and and listen to her problems
all the while mine burned in my chest
and i leant more to the right, and thought i was right
but probably self righteous.
totally snapped but avoided an issue close to my bones
easily turned to the avoided if you can t see over your shoulder
pay notice to america's sensation or watch the ends of hair
i close the front door, picture the scene as it was before
and the pathway, the one im trying to escape
fighting gravity and sipping water cooler, greeting the old man again
hearing conversations and losing patience
too bored to talk, too predictable
for last night the whole world froze over, and thawed again
while i watched in birdseye view - the cars going round the track
but woke to alarm call and a whole new day
in a place where grey population had gone away

and when's that party?

(six days)
i know her from photographs, in my mind she's a flat image. thats all she'll ever be
the day was dimming. the tears in his eyes were invisible to me...
so i left on an effortless train
hours of talk and the sun heads down
the conversations held by yourself, you sad old man
the bright lights of the city only burn for so long
a woman in her own right, still pushed around

i thought of bland ben, and his
'my dad says thats just the way it is'
and pictured him at the desk still
and again outside park end

then i thought of bernie - in a frog jumper drinking IPA
he could be dead now, and maybe junkie graham too
i thought of mad matt, burnt to a crisp
and skinny patsy proclaiming lambing season
and appleton starting fights
and googles in paranoid drive

remember gerry, his putrid smell
and the boy who dipped crisps in blackcurrent squash.
ray his eyes piercing in apathetic air
perverted eddie, now dead and buried
the man with the sack of drugs waiting
and the red fox at the train station.

ticker tape for my BPM
it beats a little faster
im definitely off the baseline
its just a matter of time

if you want money
you will have money
if you want a house
you will have a house
if you want a car
you will have a car
if you want to die
you will die

all the nobody people

all in mexican wave grass, pushed along by tail wind. self councilling and lonely, i saw a face in the darkness, behind my eyelids. i thought i wasnt asleep.
your body was in the bath, your skin was yellow. i stayed awake hoping it wasnt so, trying not to slip off into the unknown. photographs stapled to my brain, unable to remove the stain. grey lunches, 28 years down the line. escape while you can, go sleep in the bath. take a morning dose, ignore a motormouth, ignore a moron. when the desire overcame me i was unable to get out. pounding heart, sweaty palms, cant take it no more.

after a lttle work im not quithe there yet.. someones on the telophone.. i got all distracted. so much to be done before the 'show'. does anyone care?

everyday after work i walk down a tremendous hill, i can see over the city and a high horizon. i wish i could get my colours to look like that. sometimes i have to take photographs. ive included some for your pleasure.

what's wrong with your face?

i let her down

with 3 uneaten potatoes on 3 trays, how are you all still overweight? in this lunchtime feeding hole i get surrounded by age, empty lives. yeah im a spy, what else can i do? tune into the silent television? i had a filing cabinet moment where i stopped and realised that it was my scene. and i thought of little me, she never would have wanted to end up here. where did she imagine she would be? i think i let her down. we are all still kids, pretending to be grown ups. i spy their awkward converations, man lunches with knives and forks clinking so loudly through the grey. i loathe. and the elderly, well they waited their whole lives to be sickly, they seem to love every minute. dosed up on meds, getting all that attention. see them through to their death. quite affected today.

plonked into multiple melting pots, each day our eyes meet. look away fast of course. " im not sure im following what you are saying anymore", he said. and he was just being honest. thrown into the melting pot, left to boil, like there are so many more appealing options to be bitter about. i checked the other catagories on offer, shuddered at the thought of a 'choice' in the matter. thank the great ones. it can only mean more calories and fewer movements. nice to know there's more trash in the ocean. in the pot you may come across a colourful bunch. here i waste to much time, time is life. life is leaving. englishness. are they all in love with this melting pot? are we all congealed together, grey goo bubbling to the surface, only to be fished out and discarded. as meaningless and pointless as when we first went in..........