red letter

I shall not be told. Abandoned. Confessed to a fool. You could not have sounded more dulled out, like all the life was sucked out and you were left forever unsure who you were. In a second I was put in my place. How embarrassing. I stabbed the party, and something that was totally normal became humiliating. Such a pity they looked forward to it.
Staring through glass, checking it all out and making the most of the fringe benefits. This could be you. Thick fog hung over the unexpecting town, radio bleared pseudo upbeatness. We wont make it to work this day. Unable to reach through glass and almost lame to speak, although pounding heart told otherwise, and I made sure it shut up. Don’t go causing me problems again. We've been through this. My very own heart, like a disease.
I sat outside, redundant. We started to talk and I began to enjoy it. How surprising. Damn my judgement. I guess you cant see that to look at me, I would hope anyway. I can hide sinister. I wont make it home this night, I want to stay and discuss your life.
I called you, blood pressure rising. How can that be? My own flesh. Its like you never listened, so conversation became rapid and non-committed. I'll stop at the shop and buy booze later. Suddenly I feel like shovelling powder. I hung up. I wont make it out tonight. Why never answer my questions? Allowed to listen to mainstream garbage. And soon you'll become mini hitler, they promised. They promised silently, I only had to look around to see the results and the world I was about to enter. The induction was over. The glass shattered. I was in.