it just dawned upon my head, that this chapter is soon to close and now i pine... aint it the way. aint it so silly, so strange. such a place was so daily, the tea i drank and the heart that sighed as i climbed the stairs, the tarmac hill, passing fat smoking mothers and plum dyed singleton. arguing for kicks, pretending to not see me again. climbed the stairs in anticipation, what will i find. i had to have wine every week. i had to frown when i returned. i had to be unkind. dont you know i never meant to. take everything away and what have you got. what you wanted? smashing the place up, making a den. frantically searching. wanting to be alone, wanting the company of others. true, the climb did become eventually easier. invitations kept getting sent out, and they came, they all came. a pounding feeling. i began the buffet, as they awkwardly watched still with nothing to say. even after all this time. i try and be enthusiastic. so many faces. so many vibrating beeps from ancient alerter. i just keep drifting off, no offence. he always gives me so much wisdom, i know why i did that. i think those mid-week blues must be occurring. those fat kids, brother and sister like friends. trailing behind gossiping adults on their way down. those familiar faces that know me, probably think im the rudest girl ever. i just can help but scowl to the music. got to this point now, so keep going.
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